"What If's" at 2 AM...

You know that feeling you get when you dive into water. The initial blackness and uncertainty gets you confused and it takes you a few seconds to reappear on the surface of the water and see things clearly again? Yeah, that feeling.  I get that feeling when I think about my wedding.

I am getting married in 2 months and 15 days. In the eyes of many, that's 2 months and 15 days to live life to it's fullest, rock and roll, party and all that jazz and to the eyes of the many others, that's 2 months and 15 days till my life becomes perfect with the man of everyone's dreams. I'm not even close to either sides - for me, that's 2 months and 15 days for my mind to wrap itself around the actual context of what's going down - the dinner parties, the dresses, the smiles, the fights, the flowers, the yes's, the no's and all that in between. I'm talking about all the nitty gritty in-between-sofa-like stuff that people barely think about - how am I going to excuse myself to use the bathroom? What if he likes Tom and Jerry (a Pakistani cult favorite)? What if? What if? What if???? I wish I could flick all those "what if's" out the bloody window and take a breather and actually think to myself - What if he's okay? What if it turns out alright?...

...but my mind never let's me think happy, unicorn and rainbow-like thoughts. Oh no, it'll dwell upon all the shit it can possibly gather in a second (or less) and then the thought cycle begins and no, it doesn't just stop. People have romanticised the stress and actual real life worries of a "bride-to-be" (in my situation) to be absolute desolate. "Who care's about all the fighting?" say's one; "he'll bring you flowers" say's another. "Think about how beautiful married life will be" is an infamous line - oh and I have thought about it, long and hard and all that I can come up with is either a role Sharukh Khan has portrayed or a oil commercial in Pakistan and both have the realism to an absolute zero. 

FYI, marriage ain't about the cupcakes and pre-bridal shenanigans, it's not about the bags or shoes, it's not even about the flowers he may suddenly arrive with one fine day - hell no. Marriage is about the compromises, the loyalty and the silent vow of everything-ness and maybe it's just me - but doesn't that freak you out just a wee bit? 

I am not backing out of anything. I don't do that. I face my "what if's" even if I don't want to because that's life, but all I want right now is something to float on, because I was never one to dive into water in the first place. But now that I am - a float and some goggles would be nice. 

Weekly Diaries # 1

Okaaay, so I haven't been keeping up with the schedule I planned out, buuuut in my defence I have classes four days a week and it just get's pretty hectic, and this week was also Eid-Ul-Fitr, which in one of the two Islamic celebrations during the year.

I took some pictures of what happened during the last few days & thought I'd share them with you!

SUNDAY

The week started off with an Eid festival, where cake pops, clothes and cushions were sold. We reached there at like 3pm to set up my Aunt's clothes stall/booth and we're there till 10:30pm in the night - BAH! It was boring but luckily I was accompanied with a family friend for a couple of hours which were filled with catching up, hot dogs, sugar rushes and a very memorable prank call.

 MONDAY

Today was the first day of Eid (there are three days) and I went to class in the morning and came back in the train. It was a slow day but tiring...

TUESDAY

This was the day when my Aunts and Uncles came round to my Aunt's house (currently my place of residence) and gave out gifts to the kids and money to the inbetweeners...

My cousin bought me two of the BEST things ever! A Doctor Who wallet and a Doctor Who novel adaption! I actually saw the wallet in a shop when I went shopping with my Aunt a few days earlier and fell in love. She bought it but gave it to me on Eid day - I needed a new wallet and this TARDIS fit's the bill perfectly!!!

Towards the afternoon, we all went to visit my Grandpa, it was nice to meet up with him after such a long time! His fridge used to be stocked up my Chuppa Chups when I was a kid and my brother and I used to raid he's fridge every time we visited #cokechuppachupsFTW 

My Dad took me to Westfield after, because I have been on the search for a new bag but I couldn't find one, instead I came out with a 30ml bottle of Miss Dior Cherie Blooming Bouquet aka my FAVORITE perfume ever (and that's saying a lot!) We then drove out of Sydney for a BBQ at a family friend's house. I came out of there with gorgeous rings, a blackboard and the cutest Snoopy

coffee travel mug (both items are from Typo <3).

When we all got back from the awful long car ride, we made a stop at the cinema to watch the "Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes" which was amazeballs! If you haven't seen, go and watch it! A full review will be up soon (:

WEDNESDAY 

And that brings me to today. I went to class in the morning and had lunch with my Dad at Nandos #goodfood 

     So that's about it! I hope you guys enjoyed reading because I had fun writing (well, typing) this up! Be sure to follow me on Instagram (selfish promo) @hrhkulsoomhussainn 

Let me know what you've been upto in the comments - I'd love to know but not in a creepy way (; (: :D 

Update & schedule

Twas a month back when I last typed but I have a very, very good excuse. 

AUSTRALIA!!!

Yes, I'm in the land of the hypothetical kangaroos and timtams and boy has it been good to be back! So far, I'm living at my Aunt's house and taking two classes (Early Childhood & Disability) and the shopping has been great!  

Now that I'm settled in with my new iPhone (oh yeah!) and MacBook Air (holla!) - I'm ready to dip myself in hauls, day in my life and much, much more! 

Thank you so much for the now 60 followers on Blog'lovin and 6000 pageviews - it means so much to me! I hope y'all stick around a bit longer (:

So here's a "let's see if it works" schedule:

Monday: Article, story, random, etc.

Thursday: The Aussie Diaries - a new series pertaining to my life here in Australia aka a day in my life.

Sunday: Hauls; reviews; favorites (beauty, tv shows, movies, shops, etc) ; etc.

Let's hope this schedule actually works!


Lots of love from Downunder (;
Kay xoxo

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Jane Austen was right when she said...

... it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. 

I'm engaged to be wed. How did this happen? Well,

First off, I'm an Australian-Pakistani Muslim, which means I've had may fair share of lamingtons and somasos. But it always means that I've been in a culture shock for pretty much my entire existence but I learnt to live with the different customs and traditions. When you're a teen girl living in the South Asian continent, marriage looms over you till the day your mouth is stuffed with gulaab jamoons (sweets) and your hands are painted with henna. Some would say that marriage in your teen years is either an oppressed act that your parents force on you or that your time runs out once you get older. The latter, in my perspective, is more likely to be the case. As funny as it sounds living in the 21st century, as time goes on, women and marriage can't be put in the same sentence. 

I use to think that I'd get married when I turned 25 but as I understood life and my religion, marriage at an early age is better for both the couple and their place in society. Being eighteen, I was bound to get engaged at the least within this year and it happened. No love at first sight, no instant spark, no glass slipper, red rose, or Prince Charming's kiss of life (going to far? yeah...) My relationship arranged - I've never met him, never talked to him, just saw a picture on my Mum's crappy old phone. Talk about romantic, huh? :P

I trust my parents and the decision they've made nut nevertheless, the entire time, since they day I found out about the guy till the engagement I was like and still am

I have a ring on my finger and my suitcase in one hand. Boy, life hands me good stuff like it's Christmas, too much at once.

This is just another adventure in life and it'll be full of sunshine, rainbows and probably, hopefully, for the best! 

Think of it as an adventure

There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to close the chapter that they're currently on and move forward to the next chapter. Moving forward to tough, physically, mentally and emotionally. And personally, those people that are constantly happy every.single.moment.of.life get on my nerves.

Recently, I found out something that is gong to change my life, for the better, hopefully. 

I've been living in Pakistan for the past eight years and it has been - in one word- difficult. Adjusting to a completely different situation was an insane experience but I learnt a fathomable amount of things along the way. 

I found out that I'm moving back to Australia. I don't know what will happen there, or how it'll happen but I have this intense feeling that it's all going to be okay. 

I'll be living with my Dad until my Mum and younger brothers fly in at the end of the year but I'll be leaving in June. It's going to be tough to leave my Mum and baby brothers but you gotta do what you gotta do. I'm excited but at the same time, lurching with anxiety. 

In depth of anxiety or whatever this constant feeling is, I wrote a couple of things, promises to myself if you will, but nevertheless:

1. I feel a lot like Bilbo Baggins. He had an unexpected journey and so am I. I have been begging to go back since we first got here and now that I am I feel like a Hobbit. Confused, lost and hungry. But this is part of the adventure, part of the ride. So I'm going to embrace this change and make the most of it. 
2. I started to become a drone living here. I forgot how to live, be happy and enjoyt the little things. I'm now going to try to live - at least a little. Volunteer, learn new things, hang out with family members who live there. I'm going to try to go a bit higher in this hole that I've been in, that I live in. 
3. I'm going to be studying there, so this time I am not going to let my marks / grades define me as a person. 
4. Seeing as though my Mum will be here, I'm going to have to do the cooking, cleaning, shopping - all that shit. But I'm going to do them so well, that no one will know what hit them.
5. I've been quiet for a majority of my life. I've let people rule me but not now. Now I'm my own Queen. I shall stop letting people tell me what to do. I will stop being quiet and let people stamp on me and put words in my mouth.    

I honestly don't even know what's going to happen, but I hope and pray with all my heart that this new adventure is better than the last. 

Let's wind down with a cup of tea & random thoughts #2

Time for more random ramblings, let's go!

1. I am unemployed once again, well technically not as of right now but I've given my two weeks notice. If my students are reading this, know now, this is not your fault, the school and I never really got along - we've had our fair share of difference and I decided that the school has zero right to change me as it as zero right to change you. 
      That was my third  forth resignation letter in three years. Talk about commitment issues.

2. Now that I'm "free", I shall have more time to blog. I really want to dedicate as much as possible into the blog. Better photography, better content, just better. 

3. I have an awesome tumblr account. You should check it out sometime, you know, like if you want to. 

4. Instagram. Ugh Instagram. If you can't tell already I am not a social person, I mean AT ALL. But once upon a time, I had an Instragram, but my "smartphone" went to phone heaven, and now I have a 90's phone, hence eliminating Instagram for good. But I have a choice to get it back and start up my account again, should I? Instagram is such a vain place. I'm on the fence about this one - and probalby about everything else in life. 

So, the story goes a bit like this...

No I didn't forget about the blog - life has just been well, life. Basically it's been a little of this

and a lot more of this...

...and welcome existential life crisis again.

Long story short - people are shitty and my job was shitty so I'm leaving the job and people because I don't appreciate shitty-ness in my life. 

I am devastated if not the least, for leaving all the wonderful and beautiful girls I taught but the crap got a bit too much for my brain to handle. I mean they weRE TRYING TO CHANGE ME AS A PERSON - WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO CHANGE A UNICORN!!!!!!!

*cue my sad life story here (read pass this if you want to)

Once upon a time - actaully a month ago... my work place started to became a minefield. Everything and anything I was saying or doing started to create problems. Even wearing makeup was against the rules - what, right?! So bascally, I'm just there, checking stuff everyday like:

 

I like to think I'm an easy going teacher. I love all my students and smile at them, tell jokes and all that shiz - but apparently that's all wrong. 

So now I'm the "bad teacher teaching all the bad things because I'm bad" and honestly, I'm the person that screams internally when I eat a Happy Meal.

There is a hell lot of the story but whateves, right?

Basically, considering I'll have a hell of a lot more time in my hands, I'll be able to what I love to do:

  

Honestly, I'm still in the "what the fudgeballs is going on" phase...or is that just life?